Hugely disappointed

I consider myself an enthusiastic fan of Rihanna for her musical abilities and for the role she's embraced in speaking out about abuse in the wake of last year's assault. Additionally, she devoted a number of tracks from her latest album to the subject of relationship abuse. Having said that, I'm left speechless and confused by her latest musical collaboration with Eminem. The melody is catchy but the lyrics are horrific -- doubly so when she is the one singing them, given her real-life experience with this issue. Read the lyrics here.



Like the athlete who bemoans the behavioral expectations that come with celebrity, Rihanna may not want to accept that every project she'll work on in years to come will be assessed with the assault in mind. I am sympathetic to not wanting to be defined by an unpleasant situation; but it's part of the responsibility she accepted by leaving and speaking out. She needs to consider what kind of message this is sending to the very girls she hoped to lead out of unhealthy situations.

Update 8/9/10: Buzz has built over the video as analysts and experts have broken down the underlying messages and complicated dynamics of not only the songwriting but also the pairing of Eminem and Rihanna.

From Women's Media Center:

Rihanna explained her motivations for being in the video to Access Hollywood. ... Rihanna has certainly made an effort since she unwittingly became the spokesperson for domestic violence to use that platform to give a voice to abused young women ...

By contrast, Eminem has never claimed to champion the cause of unheard, abused women, and in fact has often been identified as a perpetrator of domestic violence. While staging a similar “comeback” tour to the one he is staging now in 2008, Eminem told Esquire, “I’m a T-shirt guy now. But wifebeaters won’t go out of style, not as long as bitches keep mouthing off.” Eminem’s problematic relationship with women is also apparent in his popular music video for the song “Stan,” which ends with Eminem’s alter ego putting his pregnant girlfriend in the trunk of his car and driving off a bridge.

Precedents such as these immediately problematize Eminem’s goal of shedding light on both sides of domestic violence, especially as only the male voice (Eminem’s verses) describes an inherent contradiction in his feelings, or a hint of  three-dimensionality ... The woman’s only voice (Rihanna’s lines) does nothing but profess to love the abusive relationship– she likes the way it hurts.

 From MTV:

"The most important thing the video is doing is raising the topic of dating violence among young people," Stephanie Nilva, executive director of sexual assault and trauma resource center Day One, told MTV News.

An expert in relationship violence and domestic abuse prevention, Nilva praised the clip for accurately depicting a pattern typical of abusive relationships. ...

 From Feministing:

... the song doesn’t clearly condemn violence against women or intimate partner violence. In some ways, it can be easily read as a song about relationship troubles that may not necessarily require an intervention because the woman never leaves. If the old adage is true that the first step in solving any problem is admitting that you have one, this song seems to fail at clearly identifying that what we are observing is dysfunctional violence. The fact that the track is included on an album titled “Recovery” doesn’t help in clarifying things. The situation is also worsened by the portrayal of a survivor who seems complicit in her abuse because she doesn’t just love the way her aggressor lies, she “likes the way it hurts.” For me, this line scream [sic] victim-blaming central and it calls upon the counterproductive accusations that survivors sometimes face.

 From Women's Rights:

I see a significant problem with Rihanna's lines about liking the pain because, while it seems to read as a woman in love trying to justify staying, it confuses some people about the distinction between S&M and domestic violence. Non-abusive S&M is a consensual act between two partners for mutual pleasure; a situation like the one in the song, where the violence comes out of anger and pushed the abused partner to try to leave, and where it escalates to potential murder, is not S&M, it's just domestic abuse. ...

After all, approximately 1000 women (or more) are killed each year by intimate partners. Maybe Eminem and Rihanna could have worked that stat into their duet?

From M.G.H.: What we see is a reflection of the lyrical ambivalence toward the issue of domestic abuse. Most people sounding off online are relieved that the song has extended the national dialogue on abusive relationships, but there are many (this writer included) that are uncomfortable with how passive and supportive the victim is to her situation and the disturbing message that ultimately is sent. As Alex DiBranco from Women's Rights writes:

I hope that most people's take-away message isn't along the lines of victim-blaming, misunderstanding consensual S&M, or minimizing violence. Women's lives depend on it.