Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Humanity between two covers

A Virtuous Woman (Oprah's Book Club)I've always believed that books choose people, and reading Kaye Gibbons' A Virtuous Woman only convinced me of that further.

I picked the book up back in May at a used book sale benefiting a D.C. library. It was one of two dozen that I carried out in a 11" by 15" cardboard box provided by the volunteers when they saw me struggling with my newly purchased loot.

There was a rawness that resonated with me from the back cover's description: 
 "When Blinking Jack Stokes met Ruby Pitt Woodrow, she was twenty and he was forty. She was the carefully raised daughter of Carolina gentry and he was a skinny tenant farmer who had never owned anything in his life. She was newly widowed after a disastrous marriage to a brutal drifter. He had never asked a woman to do more than help him hitch a mule. They didn't fall in love so much as they simply found each other and held on for dear life."

I didn't reach for the book until last night and finished it this morning. Gibbons allocates alternating chapters to Jack and Ruby's reminiscences of their lives before and with each other, told at various points of time -- and in the case of Ruby, from the grave (something the reader discovers on the first page of the first chapter).

Gibbons' book feels less like a novel and more like time spent chatting on the porch with someone you've known most of your life. Her writing in a consistent Carolina dialect, her attention to detail in constructing a believable world, and the complexity of her characters' emotions in the face of life's heartaches allow them to step off the page fully formed.

The conclusion of the book, though moving and somewhat satisfying, felt rushed and tacked on to the otherwise thoughtful narrative, however. The entrance of an omniscient narrator who had never appeared before the last chapter was jarring and the last few pages felt as if Gibbons ran out of steam in trying to tie up the loose ends. A reliance on an increased amount of internal dialogue also was introduced in the final chapter, adding to the reader's disorientation. Lastly, the book seems to be set in the peak of 1950s life in the South, which includes allusions to racial inequality and prejudice that offends modern sensibilities. (I understand it was written to reflect realistically that time period).

Those weaknesses aside, A Virtuous Woman is worth reading. The themes of struggling with man's quest for immortality and wrestling with society -- both in trying to conform to its demands and in aiming to beat its expectations -- were portrayed with vulnerability that comes from a compassionate author's alertness to human nature and the world around her.

I'm richer for having been picked by this gem of a book.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

A tribute to resilience

Despite the sad situation, this story is surprisingly uplifting. I'm so glad this kitty is surrounded by loving caretakers. Here's to the hope of a loving purrrr-manent home in her near future!

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Bite-sized inspiration

"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around."

Dr. Leo Buscaglia
(1924-1998); Professor, Author

Some welcome levity ...

This blog fully owns up to taking on some heavy topics, but that's not to say this writer doesn't love the goofy or absurd. Without further ado, I present the most memorable Save the Date ever:

Monday, August 2, 2010

Bite-sized inspiration

True love is not a feeling by which we are overwhelmed. It is a committed, thoughtful decision.

--M. Scott Peck

Saturday, July 17, 2010

"The most important job ... ever"

A recent discovery on the radio prompted me to pause and reflect on the importance of fatherhood (you'll find the song below).

I can't help but nod in agreement with the way Randy Pausch, author of The Last Lecture, points to an aspect of his life that influenced all other components. "I won the parent lottery," he writes. "I was born with the winning ticket, a major reason I was able to live out my childhood dreams."

I've been blessed with an amazing father who has reassured us of his love for my mom and us, supported every dream my sisters and I have had, encouraged us to push ourselves to reach our potential, instilled within us a love of reading, the arts and travel, and challenged us to spend our lives in the pursuit of justice and in service to others.

But how many in our nation can't say that? Last month, President Obama reflected on the state of fatherhood in the Union. If you haven't heard his speech yet, I'd encourage you to check it out by watching it below or reading it here.



Key points the President makes:
  • Fathers are our first teachers and coaches ... they’re our mentors, our role models.
  • We also know that what too many fathers being absent means. ... We know that when fathers abandon their responsibilities, there’s harm done to those kids.
  • It’s hard to live up to the lifelong responsibilities that come with fatherhood.
  • Our children don’t need us to be superheroes.  They don’t need us to be perfect.  They do need us to be present.  They need us to show up and give it our best shot, no matter what else is going on in our lives.  They need us to show them -- not just with words, but with deeds -- that they, those kids, are always our first priority.
  • No matter what doubts we may feel, what difficulties we may face, we all have to remember being a father -- it’s not just an obligation and a responsibility; it is a privilege and a blessing, one that we all have to embrace as individuals and as a nation.
The theme of supporting and holding fathers accountable in their efforts to be better dads is addressed in Sanctus Real's song "Lead Me". The lyrics capture the essence of marriage and fatherhood within the context of Christianity but the songwriter's struggle extends beyond any faith.

Balancing relationships and ambition is a central challenge to many in the USA (not just fathers) and is, in my opinion, at the heart of the American family unit dissolving. The song is a powerful testament, however, to that sense of responsibility and love that unites family, the importance of communicating through the difficulties, and the supernatural help that is within our reach, should we look for it.



I'll close with an excerpt from President Obama's speech:
"Those family meals, afternoons in the park, bedtime stories; the encouragement we give, the questions we answer, the limits we set, the example we set of persistence in the face of difficulty and hardship -- those things add up over time, and they shape a child’s character, build their core, teach them to trust in life and to enter into it with confidence and with hope and with determination. And that’s something they’ll always carry with them: that love that we show not with money, or fame, or spectacular feats, but through small daily acts -- the love we show and that we earn by being present in the lives of our children."

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Possibilities

I love this ad for its storytelling and the message of remaining open to Life's possibilities. (Like all ads featured on this blog, I am not endorsing the product nor do I have any connection to the company.) 



In a nod to Jung's synchronicity theory, Michael Buble released this song shortly before AT&T aired the ad. For a while, I pointed discouraged friends to it for a dose of optimism and hope. Then I found out that he cast his girlfriend as the main lead, which makes the song ring hollow. Not well-played, Buble. All the same, voila:

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Snapshots of humanity

"All that mankind has done, thought, gained or been -- it is lying as in magic preservation in the pages of books." -Thomas Carlyle 

As far back as I can remember, I've had a book in my hand. Growing up it was my joy and the way that I felt set free. Not much can coax me to put reading and writing on hold, but a certain project that took top-priority these last few months did. That being said, as soon as I'd finished I took a running leap into my pile of books and savored the wisdom and humanity I found in their pages.

First came Eat Pray Love. Elizabeth Gilbert's storytelling of her yearlong search for pleasure, devotion and love (in that order) sparkles with intelligence, wit, and personality. Her sense of adventure, courageous vulnerability and the insights she draws from philosophy and major world religions allows the reader to participate in her travels and growth, to empathize and celebrate in her struggles and triumphs, and carry away at the end of the book a sense of friendship with her. I rarely say I feel that personal connection, but few authors have the audacity to share so generously of themselves, to include both virtues and flaws in democratic detail and to react to both with such love.

Favorite excerpts/lessons from this book (ironically both come during her time in India where she studies at a temple and meets fellow student Richard, a larger-than-life character from Texas):
  • [On being aware of our thoughts] He said, 'You need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select what clothes you're gonna wear every day. This is a power you can cultivate.' ...  On first glance, this seems a nearly impossible task. Control your thoughts? Instead of the other way around? But imagine if you could? ... So I've started being vigilant about watching my thoughts all day, and monitoring them. I repeat this vow about 700 times a day: "I will not harbor unhealthy thoughts anymore." Every time a diminishing thought arises, I repeat the vow.
  • [On the subject of soul mates] "I seriously believed David was my soul mate." Richard: "He probably was. Your problem is you don't understand what that word means. People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave."
Next, I followed a friend's advice and went for another adventure, this time to Spain and the Sahara Desert, and then to the Soul of the World. Paulo Coelho's The Alchemist is a fable about a young boy pursuing his 'Personal Legend' (what each of us was designed to do -- something that usually you know as a child). Coelho offers piercing insights into the ways we often compromise as adults on our authenticity and dreams. His fable surprises with its depth because it is packaged in simple prose, but it resonates on a personal level with the reader because the universal themes and lack of pretense allow it to be a guide for whomever is wise or lucky enough to peek under its cover. 

From The Alchemist:

"There is one great truth on this planet: whoever you are, or whatever it is that you do, when you really want something, it's because that desire originated in the soul of the universe. It's your mission on earth. ... To realize one's Personal Legend is a person's only real obligation."

Whether it be a woman's heartache and subsequent search to discover herself and the world, or a shepherd boy's quest to realize his potential and remain open to life's lessons along the way, both have changed me. Both accounts I found magically preserved in the pages of books, and both have inspired me to dream of the adventures I have yet to live and the contribution I hope to make one day in guiding fellow travelers in search of their own Personal Legend.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Orb (a.k.a. Pumpkin)

She came to me in my darkest moments
When I was as broken as my dreams
She cowered under the bed with
the same fear I felt towards people around me --
avoidance I could relate to when it was all I could do
to get through another day with the pain.

She taught me that, in spite of my doubts,
I could still love and express that love.
She coaxed out my nurturing maternal side,
and little by little, as I gained her trust and respected her space,
I learned to hope that there would one day be
someone who showed me the same respect and tenderness.

Gradually, as she came out of her shell
she showed me that life after trauma
can be composed of the small silly moments
that made it worthwhile and so joyful before.
She showed me what it is to play
with the innocence and wonder of a toddler,
even after having been betrayed and abandoned
by the one person you should feel protected by.

Her snuggles brought me out of my pain
out of the loss, the fear and the darkness.
She was in many ways the presence of Christ in my life:
encouraging me to live again, restoring hope beyond the pain,
assuring me I had not been abandoned through it all
and was not alone, now or ever.

According to The Shack, God reveals Himself
in the least intimidating form for us to see.
God packaged His love for me in the form of
a scruffy, scrawny, scared little kitty,
whose two years of life had been defined by instability.

On days when I'm sad and she curls up beside me,
I still feel His love through her.
But I have also been healed to a point where
I can begin to look outside of my "safe" zone and glimpse God
in the everyday details and faces surrounding me in life.

So, tonight, like every night, I offer up my thanks to God
for the many blessings He has given me --
family, friends, faith, health, a job, the hope of a future --
and folded into that list is a precocious and affectionate cat
who's captured my heart with her zeal for life,
and restored my own with her presence.

--May 2, 2010

Monday, May 24, 2010

Attack Aftermath

I put on our class' t-shirt tonight (the one from high school with both our names on it) not knowing what his fate is -- a clammy, shaky, sinking feeling. At once numb and achy. Totally nauseous.

That death or severe injury is even a possibility for him right now has drained me of every drop of energy that overflowed my cup this morning. The spring in my step has uncoiled with the anxious dread of not knowing.

The silence.

The waiting.

Time does funny things to a person waiting for this type of news. It stretches itself to seem interminable but promises none of the speed that brought one to this stalemate.

I know what you must be thinking: "He's in a war zone; what did you expect?" But it's funny how that works, too, because while you try and prepare for these types of scares as you send them off with a hug, a mental dress rehearsal can't compare with the real thing. It's totally different when the whispered imaginings of "If ..." are replaced with nightmarish details of actual events. Bloodstain outside the T.G.I. Friday's on the boardwalk where many soldiers socialize. Details distilled in the military's slowness to release information and paired with a personal tendency to let my mind wander the "what-if" trail amount to a dance with insanity.

Try sleeping when you don't know whether your friend is in pain, conscious, dead or alive; whether he's alone in a military hospital or just reliving the horror in his bunk as his body and mind wrestle about the need for sleep.

I apologized to him - mentally - as I ate today; that my body seemingly kept ticking forward when for him the world had been interrupted so violently. The fact that my appetite was still there felt like a betrayal from my own body. I was full of dread, worry, fleeting bouts of hatred toward the Taliban, then the subsequent repentant prayers to God. Weren't all these enough to keep my body going?

In the fluctuation between panic and numbness, I got to thinking about war. Nothing in my mind was linear and these thoughts aren't either, so I won't try to string them together in a forced structure. I pondered:

  • the wasted potential, the promise of brilliance bled out on battlefields where the gifted individual is hidden behind generic labels like "troop," "soldier," etc. 
  • the unquantifiable senselessness of it all; the ugliest layers of Life and humanity exposed; the messes we get ourselves into for unchecked passions, lack of wisdom, and an abundance of pride. 
  • the hatred I feel for the terrorists restrained only by my desire not to resemble them in any way; not to become like them by the same fatal flaw; instead, to tap into the potential nobility of a human soul and recognize the power to choose what we allow ourselves to become. 
  • frustration for the moments when people reassure me there were "only injuries" reported. I know they're trying to comfort, but it sounds callused and naive to say that. "Only injured" could be a life-altering brain injury, limb or sensory loss. And, without any further information from the military, we have no way of gauging how many are "only" critically wounded, which could translate into the worst-case scenario. 
When we fight wars, we invite Satan -- in all his ugliness and horror -- to reveal his face on Earth in utter clarity. The depths to which humanity and angels alike can fall; the brutality and viciousness unleashed against each other, destroying the very fabric of our existences; reminding us -- as they are lifted from our hands -- what the most precious things in life actually are: family, friendship, love, health and faith.

"And remember, the truth that once was spoken: To love another person is to see the face of God" is a favorite line of mine from the musical "Les Miserables." It reminds me, now, why it is so crucial not to hate and allow evil another stronghold on Earth; but instead, to sacrifice our aching hearts, shattered dreams, and wounded pride on the altar of service to God and fight brutality with beauty, fear with faith.

That being said, abstract principles are little comfort to me as the silence consumes me tonight. All philosophical thought seems absurd when the concrete dangles before me.

Overwhelmed by feelings of powerlessness and exhaustion, I climb into bed.

***

Update 5/25: I heard from my friend this morning and he is safe.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Gratitude

December 30, 2009

I fell asleep last night counting my blessings instead of sheep. I'm reminded of just how blessed I am each day for various reasons.

Yesterday I felt acutely aware of the blessings of freedom I take for granted every day, and sympathetic to the struggles of people around the world who have taken a courageous stand against tyrants.

As the icy rain tapped against my windowpane, I also was aware of all those who were fighting for a bed in a shelter or facing a bitterly cold night on the sidewalk.

My stomach was grumbling as I closed my eyes, which reminded me of all those around the world who hadn't eaten in days (and may never know what a full stomach feels like).

So I started a list of the many reasons I am so grateful.

  • Shelter above my head that I can call home
  • Three meals a day (or more if desired)
  • Heater
  • Warm clothes (that even have style) as opposed to whatever's available in the donation bin (or none)
  • Shoes
  • Freedom of speech 
  • Freedom of the press
  • Freedom to worship as I believe (and the gift of faith)
  • Gender equality (more or less) in comparison to the situations many other women face. American women largely face economic inequality and violence on the streets and in their homes (still unacceptable), while other women face a whole host of evils solely based on gender: stonings, acid attacks, burnings, genital mutilation and honor killings, or they're killed in the womb simply because they don't have the right "parts" and are deemed worthless or a burden.
  •  A job
  • A loving, healthy family
  • All five senses (sight, smell, taste, touch, hearing - a pretty awesome combo!)
  • A body that moves and becomes the vehicle to enjoy my passions (dancing, writing, music, cooking, being outdoors)
  • An education
  • The gift of literacy
  • Travel experience
  • A loving kitty (shout-out to her foster parents!)
  • A set of wheels
  • The opportunity to create a life for myself
  • The resilience of the human spirit
  • The gift of HOPE

    Thursday, December 10, 2009

    Detour to Truth

    I've struggled this season with letting the joy in. I had difficulty reconciling the airbrushed reality of Christmas carols with the headlines I face each day -- 112 murdered in an instant in Iraq; the vulnerable dying on our streets under our noses. "Peace on Earth," "Goodwill to men" rang hollow to me, as if we've allowed ourselves all a few weeks of denial.

    I began to pray, but the words were heavy and clung to my tongue. They felt irritatingly earthbound, unable to defy gravity as I looked up to Heaven frustrated by the perceived distance between my once-faithful heart and God. I asked Him to help me truly "get" the season, to take a detour around the distractions and arrive at the meaning.

    My prayer was answered. While reading Advent reflections by Fulton Sheen, I found this: "If there is no peace in the world today, it is not because Christ did not come; it is because we did not let Him in." Twenty hours later, I was driving home from work covered in goosebumps, hearing this song for the first time.



    From the haunting piano, string and choral parts to the masterfully written lyrics, the song captivated me. Here was a Christmas song that sprang from zeitgeist, resonating with my struggling soul, but comes to encouraging conclusions. The heavy lifting has been done already. Christ came in the least intimidating form possible: an infant, swaddled in humility, completely dependent upon a human mother. God began His time on earth the way we all do. He came, saw our reality with human eyes (and a divine heart) and then conquered death with incomprehensible love. If there's two things we can take away from this, they're (a) we are so loved, and (b) the awesome power beneath the surface of our fragile lives.

    Christmas is not about slipping into denial, but rather awakening to the potential packed into each individual and our ability to impact the world around us. "You must be the change you wish to see in the world," Gandhi said. I don't have the power to deactivate a suicide bomber's vest or to feed and warm every homeless person around the world. But I do have the ability to choose how I react to the people surrounding me and to be loving even in the moments that try my patience.

    I've learned that Christmas is about the power of presence (over presents). The thing that has meant the most to me as a growing believer in Christ is the fact that He came in the first place. Any struggle I bring to Him is not a distant reality, but one that He understands with a divine heart and has seen with human eyes. It is up to us to hear the bells ringing and the hopeful message He's brought, and also, to carry that tune to the rest of the world -- whether that be a smile, listening to someone who's hurting, offering our time to serve someone, or speaking truth when someone needs to hear it. Unwrapping this season's trimmings reveals what's inside the box and presents this surprise: Christmas is a time to comfort us, but also to challenge us out of complacency and cowardice. It is up to us to shape the world we live in. To hang back and lose hope because we cannot solve every problem creates a vacuum, leaving space for evil to gain ground. We must beat back daily the decay of our hearts and our society by being that change we wish to see in the world and being content that "I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do." (Helen Keller)

    Tuesday, November 17, 2009

    Bite-sized inspiration

    live with intention.
    walk to the edge.
    listen hard.
    practice wellness.
    play with abandon.
    laugh.
    choose with no regret.
    continue to learn.
    appreciate your friends.
    do what you love.
    live as if this is all there is.

    --mary anne radmacher

    Wednesday, October 28, 2009

    My Creed

    Slow down. Listen more. Serve others. Be generous. Seek wisdom. Discern God's plan. Love more. Rest with God. Love yourself as He loves you. Ask to see yourself through His eyes, with total knowledge of your weaknesses and flaws but with passion, tenderness, and affirmation of your strengths.

    September 20, 2009

    But the greatest of these is love

    Just because I haven't found my lifelong mate doesn't mean I haven't dreamed of him or imagined the joy of time shared together. To all of you that have your soulmates, cherish them even in the difficult times. For those of us who are waiting to turn the corner and find them, keep the faith alive! :)

    With tender strength
    you hold me tight
    I feel safe, secure
    throughout the night
    Nestled in your embrace
    I'm lulled to dream
    of a future spoken of,
    not yet redeemed

    In this ethereal place
    I see before me
    a blissful union --
    love set free
    from past mistakes
    and future fears
    instead abiding in
    the present dear

    A man and woman
    with similar tastes
    who savor the moment
    and see in their faces
    Devotion and fidelity's
    flames abound
    defining a love
    reborn and refound

    With childlike fervor
    the man and his mate play
    recognizing the precious
    value of a day
    that they share together
    having spent time apart
    one entity alive
    uniting two hearts

    No ocean or obstacle
    can quench their fire
    whose flames first burned slowly
    but then leapt higher
    as their consummated passion
    allowed their souls to rest
    having found -- at last!
    the object of their quest

    The road was sometimes rocky
    a path paved by tears
    from the result of insecurity,
    immaturity and fears
    but patience, forgiveness
    and resolute pluck
    lifted them up when
    they were mired in muck

    You stir in your sleep
    and my revelrie fades
    as I return to the present
    and stroke your moonlit face
    I cling tightly to you
    and thank Heaven above
    for guiding us together
    and planting a seed of love.

    -August 22, 2009

    Tuesday, October 27, 2009

    Bite-sized inspiration

    You will find as you look back upon your life that
    the moments when you have truly lived
    are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love.

    --Mother Teresa

    Monday, October 26, 2009

    Bite-sized inspiration

    One comes to appreciate the reality that there can be no "wes" and "theys" in our lives, but only brothers and sisters -- all children of God -- all sacred and dignified. Destruction of any one of these God-gifts means a certain destruction of oneself and a mystery that is gone forever from this small fragile world.

    --Martin Luther King, Jr.