A Conflicted Fourth

Each Fourth of July, regardless of my location in the world, I have worn my colors, sang the songs, watched the fireworks and felt very patriotic. I'd think of the brave men and women who put everything on the line to found this country, risking liberty and life, (in the case of men) leaving wife and children to draw up the documents we still refer to today, and then fight battles in primitive conditions to defend the rights they declared.

I'd think of the men and women who continue to put their lives on the line to defend U.S. interests and the sacrifices they make. Having kept in touch with my friend while he serves in Afghanistan, I have new respect and appreciation for everything that entails.

While I am still a proud American, this Fourth was completely different for me. Watching the fireworks was the only thread of continuity linking me to years past. What's different now is that my vision's gone from 2-D to 3-D. Added to the cardboard cutouts of our founding fathers frozen in their moments of glory is a crowd of faces behind them - each with its own heartbreaking tragedy to tell: being sold like livestock, daily life steeped in condescension, lashings, losing family members to the auction block or at the hands of a bigot, and the death of dreams. Now I replay the parades, flag-waving, speeches about liberty and God's role in this young nation at the same time that this quilt of heartbreak and horror is going on in plain sight -- and it makes it impossible for me to celebrate the holiday as I used to. I'm not trying to be a downer, I just feel like we need to be telling the whole story in context because otherwise it's propaganda. Without context, it's an insult to the memory of the faces in that crowd and a disservice to the future of this country.

Top lessons from 2009

(1) Making the right choice isn't usually the comfortable one immediately, but it does pave the way for long-term contentment.

(2) Whenever you think you're exhausted, there are always a few more drops in the energy well to drink and a few more steps you can squeeze out of yourself.

(3) Listen to family and friends. They know you and care for your ultimate happiness; and they have insights that you usually lack from being in the thick of situations.

(4) Wisdom is often the whisper you can't hear until you turn off the loudest voices in your ear.

(5) There is life after heartbreak -- and not just life, but abundant life! :)

(6) We can learn things we never would have been able to about ourselves by welcoming into our home a needy animal who's looking to love and be loved.

(7) Sleep is the most underestimated tactic for preventing and curing illness.

(8) It is in setting boundaries that we actually find freedom.

(9) Even after nine years of living on my own, there's still no place like home.

(10) Desiderata. 'Nuff said.

(11) Be willing to reconsider attitudes and values that have (consciously and unconsciously) shaped you to this point.

(12) It is so important to know and defend your worth in every moment it may be questioned. Do not stay silent.

(13) Life is short. Speak up. Fight for justice. Believe in your dreams. Chase them into reality. Pave a path for others to follow.

(14) Live as if everything could change next breath. It's much harder to take it all for granted.