Transformation

December 16, 2009

I reread the emails from him today. The tendencies to control and manipulate are so pervasive in his psychology that he can't utter a sentence in his defense without putting down somebody else.

To you, ghost from the past, here's how I'm different since the last letter:

*I am aware of the abusive designs of your conversation.

*I've seen that life can be so much more peaceful, stable, maneuverable and rewarding without your policeman-like presence.

*I feel hopeful about the future.

*Love will be a part of my life.

*I've picked up the pieces of my shattered self and handed them over to God, who's whipping up a new mosaic and guiding me to become that.

*I'm much stronger than before and not afraid to set boundaries. You step over the line? You get buzzed. I set that boundary, enforce it and walk away. If you're discouraged by that, you're not the type I want beside me.

*I'm closer with my friends.

*I'm grateful for the freedoms and possibilities of the USA.

*I cringe at jealousy and flinch at disrespect. My advice to women dealing with that is "FLEE! It's hard to think about but you will be better for it. You will have a chance at Life finally. Your mind was meant to be used freely. You will discover fear does not have to be a part of each day. You were designed to live in community. Say goodbye to suppression, intimidation, and isolation. Break free!"

Top lessons from 2009

(1) Making the right choice isn't usually the comfortable one immediately, but it does pave the way for long-term contentment.

(2) Whenever you think you're exhausted, there are always a few more drops in the energy well to drink and a few more steps you can squeeze out of yourself.

(3) Listen to family and friends. They know you and care for your ultimate happiness; and they have insights that you usually lack from being in the thick of situations.

(4) Wisdom is often the whisper you can't hear until you turn off the loudest voices in your ear.

(5) There is life after heartbreak -- and not just life, but abundant life! :)

(6) We can learn things we never would have been able to about ourselves by welcoming into our home a needy animal who's looking to love and be loved.

(7) Sleep is the most underestimated tactic for preventing and curing illness.

(8) It is in setting boundaries that we actually find freedom.

(9) Even after nine years of living on my own, there's still no place like home.

(10) Desiderata. 'Nuff said.

(11) Be willing to reconsider attitudes and values that have (consciously and unconsciously) shaped you to this point.

(12) It is so important to know and defend your worth in every moment it may be questioned. Do not stay silent.

(13) Life is short. Speak up. Fight for justice. Believe in your dreams. Chase them into reality. Pave a path for others to follow.

(14) Live as if everything could change next breath. It's much harder to take it all for granted.

Missed opportunity or understated success?

In this day and age, there's now such a thing as "digital dating abuse." The Family Violence Prevention Fund set up thatsnotcool.com to educate teens about unhealthy texting patterns, violating your partner's email account or social networking page, and/or pressuring said partner to "sext" or take nude pictures.  Here's the pitch:

Your mobile, IM and online accounts are all a part of you. When someone you're dating is controlling, disrespecting or pressuring you in those spaces, that's not cool.

I think it's a great idea and a laudable cause, but I wonder how many teens will get drawn in by sock puppets. That kind of mascot worked brilliantly for Fandango, but those are movie tickets and this is abuse. Maybe I'm wrong and the lighthearted nature will ultimately hook more teens and increase the viral component. But I think FVPF and the Ad Council missed the full potential of the campaign by packaging it in gauze, and risk alienating themselves from the demographic by trying too hard to be cool or treating them like kids.