Death Row

I can't imagine what it must be like less than 24 hours before your family member is scheduled to die; the current of emotions that must seize you. I can imagine even less what that's like for a victim of domestic violence whose ex-husband is up next.

Mildred Muhammad is in that position now. Emerging from the shadowy years of her marriage to the D.C. sniper, she has used the discussion on her ex-husband's crimes and punishment to draw attention to the millions of families victimized by violence at home. I can understand that she might feel relief at the thought of her greatest threat going to the grave. But with her children about to lose their father -- and, however frightening a character he may be, he still is their dad -- things get more complicated.

I'm at a place now in my healing where I'm beginning to be able to recall the good memories of my nearly five-year relationship without shuddering at the impact of it. But those fleeting moments of remembered emotion -- contentment, joy, affection -- leave me with confusion sometimes and awe that despite having been in grave danger, the mind is still able to preserve and recall positive moments relating to that person.

I wonder if it's like that for women with years of an abusive marriage behind them. Do any positive memories get folded between the PTSD flashbacks and nightmares? Or is it only a steady stream of anger, disillusionment and a desire to erase their spouses from their past? As the clock ticks closer to 9 p.m. Tuesday, will Ms. Muhammad be remembering the good times that brought them together initially? worrying about the impact of his death on her children? or praying for the victims' family and envisioning the world without him?

UPDATE: John Allen Muhammad died Tuesday at 9:11 p.m. in Virginia. Here, his wife mentions how she and the children are dealing with the emotional aftermath of the execution.