You screen whom you open your front door to. Choose carefully whom you allow into your life. They are no less a threat to your sanity, well being, and happiness than a ne'er-do-well at your stoop is to your security.
Toxic relationships weaken you and render you less effective in daily life. They sap you of your energy, reducing you to robotic reflexes instead of pro-active postures. Even those relationships that may not be fully toxic but that do not help you grow into your ideal should be pruned.
Your time is not infinite. Time invested in those types of situations is squandered and irretrievable, an extended period of missed opportunities for growth and enrichment. Don't make the mistake of coasting through these relationships simply because they're not classified as a bio hazard or because they give fleeting moments of excitement or gratification. Long-term, you lose. Choose wisely whom you let into your life.
December 23, 2009
Friday, February 5, 2010
Unexpected impact
One of man's most costly mistakes is doubting that he has immediate impact on the web of people surrounding him and, by consequence, the web of people extending beyond his immediate circle.
If humanity realized that each decision taken permanently alters the social fabric, there might be more thought put into those choices. Their significance might increase in the decider's eyes and the incentive to do the right thing might rise a notch, although I suspect that a substantial bit of society wouldn't want to surrender their romantic notion of "just-this-once" that frees them to make whimsical, reckless decisions.
But take George Bailey's life, for instance. Here is a big dreamer who fantasized about shaping his world in a large-scale, visible way (skyscrapers, airports, etc.) and to experience the exotic. He never got the latter nor did he leave a footprint in the ways he intended, but he did undoubtedly shape his world in a tangible way.
Just by doing his best to make the right choices each day, by settling to work in "ordinary" circumstances, he did extraordinary things. By living each day with integrity, he empowered others to live with dignity.
December 24, 2009
If humanity realized that each decision taken permanently alters the social fabric, there might be more thought put into those choices. Their significance might increase in the decider's eyes and the incentive to do the right thing might rise a notch, although I suspect that a substantial bit of society wouldn't want to surrender their romantic notion of "just-this-once" that frees them to make whimsical, reckless decisions.
But take George Bailey's life, for instance. Here is a big dreamer who fantasized about shaping his world in a large-scale, visible way (skyscrapers, airports, etc.) and to experience the exotic. He never got the latter nor did he leave a footprint in the ways he intended, but he did undoubtedly shape his world in a tangible way.
Just by doing his best to make the right choices each day, by settling to work in "ordinary" circumstances, he did extraordinary things. By living each day with integrity, he empowered others to live with dignity.
December 24, 2009
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Fog
Shimmery ghosts dance before my eyes
unfazed by the headlights that pierce them
Streetlamps give an eerie incandescence
They play tricks on my tired eyes
straining to discern sensory deception vs. reality
Slick, shiny puddles complicate those efforts
I'm partially entranced and irritated
The artist and the pragmatist battle in the moment.
Relief as I turn off my ignition.
December 26, 2009
unfazed by the headlights that pierce them
Streetlamps give an eerie incandescence
They play tricks on my tired eyes
straining to discern sensory deception vs. reality
Slick, shiny puddles complicate those efforts
I'm partially entranced and irritated
The artist and the pragmatist battle in the moment.
Relief as I turn off my ignition.
December 26, 2009
Transformation
December 16, 2009
I reread the emails from him today. The tendencies to control and manipulate are so pervasive in his psychology that he can't utter a sentence in his defense without putting down somebody else.
To you, ghost from the past, here's how I'm different since the last letter:
*I am aware of the abusive designs of your conversation.
*I've seen that life can be so much more peaceful, stable, maneuverable and rewarding without your policeman-like presence.
*I feel hopeful about the future.
*Love will be a part of my life.
*I've picked up the pieces of my shattered self and handed them over to God, who's whipping up a new mosaic and guiding me to become that.
*I'm much stronger than before and not afraid to set boundaries. You step over the line? You get buzzed. I set that boundary, enforce it and walk away. If you're discouraged by that, you're not the type I want beside me.
*I'm closer with my friends.
*I'm grateful for the freedoms and possibilities of the USA.
*I cringe at jealousy and flinch at disrespect. My advice to women dealing with that is "FLEE! It's hard to think about but you will be better for it. You will have a chance at Life finally. Your mind was meant to be used freely. You will discover fear does not have to be a part of each day. You were designed to live in community. Say goodbye to suppression, intimidation, and isolation. Break free!"
I reread the emails from him today. The tendencies to control and manipulate are so pervasive in his psychology that he can't utter a sentence in his defense without putting down somebody else.
To you, ghost from the past, here's how I'm different since the last letter:
*I am aware of the abusive designs of your conversation.
*I've seen that life can be so much more peaceful, stable, maneuverable and rewarding without your policeman-like presence.
*I feel hopeful about the future.
*Love will be a part of my life.
*I've picked up the pieces of my shattered self and handed them over to God, who's whipping up a new mosaic and guiding me to become that.
*I'm much stronger than before and not afraid to set boundaries. You step over the line? You get buzzed. I set that boundary, enforce it and walk away. If you're discouraged by that, you're not the type I want beside me.
*I'm closer with my friends.
*I'm grateful for the freedoms and possibilities of the USA.
*I cringe at jealousy and flinch at disrespect. My advice to women dealing with that is "FLEE! It's hard to think about but you will be better for it. You will have a chance at Life finally. Your mind was meant to be used freely. You will discover fear does not have to be a part of each day. You were designed to live in community. Say goodbye to suppression, intimidation, and isolation. Break free!"
Gratitude
December 30, 2009
I fell asleep last night counting my blessings instead of sheep. I'm reminded of just how blessed I am each day for various reasons.
Yesterday I felt acutely aware of the blessings of freedom I take for granted every day, and sympathetic to the struggles of people around the world who have taken a courageous stand against tyrants.
As the icy rain tapped against my windowpane, I also was aware of all those who were fighting for a bed in a shelter or facing a bitterly cold night on the sidewalk.
My stomach was grumbling as I closed my eyes, which reminded me of all those around the world who hadn't eaten in days (and may never know what a full stomach feels like).
So I started a list of the many reasons I am so grateful.
I fell asleep last night counting my blessings instead of sheep. I'm reminded of just how blessed I am each day for various reasons.
Yesterday I felt acutely aware of the blessings of freedom I take for granted every day, and sympathetic to the struggles of people around the world who have taken a courageous stand against tyrants.
As the icy rain tapped against my windowpane, I also was aware of all those who were fighting for a bed in a shelter or facing a bitterly cold night on the sidewalk.
My stomach was grumbling as I closed my eyes, which reminded me of all those around the world who hadn't eaten in days (and may never know what a full stomach feels like).
So I started a list of the many reasons I am so grateful.
- Shelter above my head that I can call home
- Three meals a day (or more if desired)
- Heater
- Warm clothes (that even have style) as opposed to whatever's available in the donation bin (or none)
- Shoes
- Freedom of speech
- Freedom of the press
- Freedom to worship as I believe (and the gift of faith)
- Gender equality (more or less) in comparison to the situations many other women face. American women largely face economic inequality and violence on the streets and in their homes (still unacceptable), while other women face a whole host of evils solely based on gender: stonings, acid attacks, burnings, genital mutilation and honor killings, or they're killed in the womb simply because they don't have the right "parts" and are deemed worthless or a burden.
- A job
- A loving, healthy family
- All five senses (sight, smell, taste, touch, hearing - a pretty awesome combo!)
- A body that moves and becomes the vehicle to enjoy my passions (dancing, writing, music, cooking, being outdoors)
- An education
- The gift of literacy
- Travel experience
- A loving kitty (shout-out to her foster parents!)
- A set of wheels
- The opportunity to create a life for myself
- The resilience of the human spirit
- The gift of HOPE
Friday, January 22, 2010
Top lessons from 2009
(1) Making the right choice isn't usually the comfortable one immediately, but it does pave the way for long-term contentment.
(2) Whenever you think you're exhausted, there are always a few more drops in the energy well to drink and a few more steps you can squeeze out of yourself.
(3) Listen to family and friends. They know you and care for your ultimate happiness; and they have insights that you usually lack from being in the thick of situations.
(4) Wisdom is often the whisper you can't hear until you turn off the loudest voices in your ear.
(5) There is life after heartbreak -- and not just life, but abundant life! :)
(6) We can learn things we never would have been able to about ourselves by welcoming into our home a needy animal who's looking to love and be loved.
(7) Sleep is the most underestimated tactic for preventing and curing illness.
(8) It is in setting boundaries that we actually find freedom.
(9) Even after nine years of living on my own, there's still no place like home.
(10) Desiderata. 'Nuff said.
(11) Be willing to reconsider attitudes and values that have (consciously and unconsciously) shaped you to this point.
(12) It is so important to know and defend your worth in every moment it may be questioned. Do not stay silent.
(13) Life is short. Speak up. Fight for justice. Believe in your dreams. Chase them into reality. Pave a path for others to follow.
(14) Live as if everything could change next breath. It's much harder to take it all for granted.
(2) Whenever you think you're exhausted, there are always a few more drops in the energy well to drink and a few more steps you can squeeze out of yourself.
(3) Listen to family and friends. They know you and care for your ultimate happiness; and they have insights that you usually lack from being in the thick of situations.
(4) Wisdom is often the whisper you can't hear until you turn off the loudest voices in your ear.
(5) There is life after heartbreak -- and not just life, but abundant life! :)
(6) We can learn things we never would have been able to about ourselves by welcoming into our home a needy animal who's looking to love and be loved.
(7) Sleep is the most underestimated tactic for preventing and curing illness.
(8) It is in setting boundaries that we actually find freedom.
(9) Even after nine years of living on my own, there's still no place like home.
(10) Desiderata. 'Nuff said.
(11) Be willing to reconsider attitudes and values that have (consciously and unconsciously) shaped you to this point.
(12) It is so important to know and defend your worth in every moment it may be questioned. Do not stay silent.
(13) Life is short. Speak up. Fight for justice. Believe in your dreams. Chase them into reality. Pave a path for others to follow.
(14) Live as if everything could change next breath. It's much harder to take it all for granted.
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